I am a male sexual abuse survivor. The abuse, sometimes violent, spanned thirteen years starting at age nine. Life within my world has required the clear recognition of the legacy of victimization: Guilt, Hate, Shame, and Rage, a living negative sub-consciousness.

 

The Healing Path is life long and arduous.

 

Psychological illnesses such as: suicidal fascination, clinical depression, acute anxiety, post-traumatic stress syndrome and borderline anti-social personality disorder, are clinical names of my DEMONS. With ongoing professional counseling and strong support, I rule my life in a healthy manner. My Demons are simply along for the ride.

 

Unfortunately, society has been very slow to support male sexual abuse survivors. The stigma and expectation of men to perpetuate the cycle, outweighs empathy and validates continued victimization.

 

The Stigma dictates three places where men with my Demons belong: in prison, mental institutions, or the grave via suicide or drug overdose.

 

Yet surviving the abuse experience, creates character, defines wisdom, and demands boundless courage.

 

As a married teacher and father with young children, I was the high profile target of false allegations of child abuse, stalking and other predatory behavior. It was assumed that I was reenacting my abuse as a sexual predator.

 

Being innocent of all allegations and charges rumoured or otherwise, I fought the big lie in court and won, while rumour has judged me guilty as alleged and charged.

 

As a performer and writer actively involved in Prince George’s cultural and art community, the rumour(s) continue to harass my life and relationships. I am an easy target. My aggressors, I believe, are generally very well meaning people, determined to self defend against a rumoured “monster” in their midst. Sadly, there may be a “monster in their midst”. I do not dispute that. It is not I.

 

The secure darkness of anonymity is required for rape and rumour. Neither can exist in the harsh light of public disclosure. Thus I have been forced to bring this issue to a public forum.

 

A life within my truth is a daily challenge. Yet I gladly live as a survivor in truth revealed for all to see and judge, if need be, than bear the slow death by rumour any longer.

 

I am a Survivor. Peace.

 

Granville Johnson

 

Letter to the Editor

Prince George Citizen

Friday, November 4, 2005